For some it’s the best they’ve ever had, for others their toes may curl at the mere thought of being touched; period sex can be a divisive topic. However, you feel about it, your menstrual cycle is a normal, natural and healthy process so it’s important we talk about it!

As a sex coach I speak with a range of people about their experiences, preferences and ideas about sex. I hear what they love and what they choose to steer clear from, I’ve seen literally everything – nothing is off limits or too taboo. I find it interesting that period sex is still seen as somewhat edgy.

For those who are curious about period sex but feel unsure or uncertain – I ask them ‘what’s getting in the way between you and trying it?’ more often than not they’ll say; the mess, the discomfort and their partner – so let’s address these!

The Mess

As you can imagine – it may potentially get a bit messy, and whilst this is not an issue for some, many people may be put off from having sex while they bleed. It is highly likely you’ll get menstrual blood on you, other/s, or the sheets. If period sex isn’t a fun and exciting thing for you, there is nothing wrong with that – I think it is great that you know what you need or like in order to enjoy the experience. For those who do want to explore or experience period sex but are worried about the mess, there’s a lot you can do to manage this:

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE MESS

Get your hands on a water-proof sex blanket or lay down a towel where you’re having sex, try shower or bath sex (with a non-slip mat!), keep some sex wipes or a washcloth by the bed to clean up afterward, wear your TOM organic period undies and priortise external stimulation, grinding or even using your toys, and don’t forget barrier methods like a dental dam/condom can come in handy.

The Discomfort

Many menstruators experience pain, discomfort or tenderness during their period so you may want to take it slow or prioritise gentle external stimulation. Although some people avoid sex during their period due to pain or discomfort, studies have proven that an orgasm can relieve pain; be it headaches, cramps or tenderness. Sex and orgasm’s also trigger the release of feel-good neurochemicals called endorphins, which can be the perfect remedy for those feeling a bit flat. Pleasure is a great way to connect with your body and/or others when you’re feeling tender.

HOW TO DEAL WITH DISCOMFORT

If you’re curious about orgasm, solo sex or sex with other being your go-to pain relief, it may be useful to try this next time you bleed! I encourage my clients to try on their own first so they can get a feel of it, using your favourite toy or technique, reminder – even though you may have a bit of extra ‘natural lubrication’ with menstrual blood but you can never have enough lube – so add more.

The Partner

Whether it’s you and/or your partner who’s bleeding – it’s important for all people involved to talk about it! Especially if you’re trying something new for the first time. It may be useful to share some of the benefits, whilst this is different for everyone, some people are horny AF when they bleed – for others it’s the furthest thing from their mind. Your libido can change throughout your cycle, thanks to those stunning hormonal fluctuations. Some, even say they experience more desire, feel more sexually confident and even more sensitive to arousal at various stages of their cycle. But again, this will be different for everyone (and potentially different each cycle)- so I’d recommend tracking any changes you notice for yourself!

HOW TO DEAL WITH A PARTNER

A few tips to make period sex a more comfortable and less messy experience: Talk about it before you do it! Tell them how you feel about period sex and ask them how they feel too. If you’re unsure or hesitant, discuss what is possible – no to penetration but yes to mutual masturbation? No to getting naked but yes to dry humping? It’s your sex life – you make the rules! If your go-to sex position doesn’t feel great, try something different, whether that’s using a blanket or pillow for gentle support, going slow if you feel tender or having sex that doesn’t just involve penetration.